Post-op life – BDSM and kink events… Oh and sex (potential triggers ahead)

I’ve always been interested in BDSM and kink. I’ve gone to swingers clubs when I was younger and they were fun, but kinda felt “off” to me in many ways. I certainly don’t have anything against them, but I don’t think they are my kind of thing. Because of my experience with swinger groups/communities I’ve kind of shied away from the BDSM/kink realm expecting it to be similar. I was way off base though, and think it’s an amazing space for trans individuals (at least my local scene). Here’s my experience with it and why I’ve kinda fallen in love with it in many ways.

Not too long ago I started talking to a guy who is in the rope bondage scene and was looking for a partner to tie with regularly. We got together for coffee and he suggested I should go to a party that night, ironically it was one I saw already and had thought about going to. I decided to say screw it and go as it was a fem domme night. Now, to be clear, that’s not me. However I like more dominant women, so thought I thought it could be a fun time. And sure enough it was. I ran into a girl I had talked to online and hit it off with her again as we had not met in person prior to that event (which… sex with her was a lot of fun) along with a guy I’d talked to online. By the end of the night she had me tied up and was beating me with her studded belt, and realized how much I enjoy this stuff. From there I networked with some of her friends and hit it off really well with a different guy.

From there it’s taken a life of its own. I’ve been tied up numerous times from (NSFW links) hogties, to ebi shrimp ties, to my personal favorite… rope suspension! I can go into all of the reasons I enjoy it, and there are many, but most are explained elsewhere on the internet in depth. Simple version is willingly giving my body over to somebody to bind and restrain (and sometimes beat lol) me I’m letting go of a lot of control and placing trust in others. That is a very freeing experience and one I very much enjoy. It’s also not one I’m good at doing outside of this realm. I tend to find very few people who want to lead, especially professionally, so I tend to fall into that role a lot of the time. Where as in this realm I can be controlled by somebody. It’s freeing and relaxing in an ironic sort of way.

I’ve done a lot of fun scenes since I got into this, but so far the best was one a bit over a week ago. A guy was visiting mutual friends from out of town. He saw me the first night at a public get together (i.e. no sexual stuff) and wanted to do a scene the following night. I was game. One of the nice things of being single is I can do whatever, with whomever, whenever because I want to. It’s pretty liberating. Anyways, I told him I’m trans before the scene, as I have decided to tell people before intimacy happens, and basically he was almost dismissive of it. Like literally said, “okay cool” and returned to conversations about what was and wasn’t okay in the scene. Including sexual stuff. So he tied me up, we had some pretty rough play, put on a great show for people there apparently, and then had some awesome sex. Had some pretty intense bruises from it for a week or so. On the sex realm, holy shit. This was the first time I’ve had sex with a guy and it was enjoyable (to be fair I’ve had limited experience), but wow did that feel great. I probably could’ve gotten off from it if we both didn’t overheat and have to take a break. Upside is we did the post-scene aftercare/cuddling, where I very much felt like a woman. I’m finding that more and more I’m feeling this way as the default instead of the exception.

Here’s where this comes back around to the beginning. He is not the first, nor only, person who I’ve told in the BDSM/kink realm where it was not an issue at all and they almost were dismissive of it. Maybe that’s because I “pass”, but I don’t think so. I have seen so many trans people and gender non-conforming people in this realm it’s amazing. And even the trans women who are pre-op, crossdressing (and don’t plan to transition), and really anything under the “trans” umbrella, are treated like every other woman there. It doesn’t matter if you “pass” or not. Nobody cares. It’s one of the most accepting and open social environments I’ve ever been a part of.

Personally it’s liberating. I get to do things I fantasized about, wished I could be a part of, and never thought I would. I get to go to a BDSM/kink club or event, strip down to a thong, heels, etc and walk around next to naked and be seen as the woman I always wished I could be. I can let myself go and get lost getting tied in a suspension scene with my legs open and not worry about what people see down there. I can have sex with guys easily. And it’s enjoyable. I get to go to all girl parties and be comfortable walking around in just sexy panties and topless with the rest of the girls. It really is pretty awesome and amazing how trans-friendly of a community it’s been thus far.

Oh, and while I lost a family I loved very much… it looks like I might have found a new “family” of sorts that I’ve connected with and get together regularly with. All in all it’s been a great experience and I’ve got a few out of town weekend long events booked throughout the summer. Where I can spend a lot of time with people I care for as well as with people who I meet and want to play with the confident woman standing before them. I don’t think I could’ve ever done this stuff, nor gained the confidence I now have if I hadn’t gotten SRS. And now that I’m about 9 months post-op I am getting to be pretty happy with things overall. Sure I am not naturally wet. Sure I have yet to cum from sex or a partner. Sure my vagina is still healing somewhat, and my outer/inner labias are a bit larger than I’d ideally like (although this is just me nit picking honestly). But not many people would be able to tell it wasn’t a neo natal vagina. It’s truly amazing.

It’s funny though that the thing I love most about post-op is that I don’t have to think or worry or stress about what happens if I get in a situation where sexual things could happen. Or about my body “outing” me. The sex is cool and all, non-sexual stuff though is the best part about it. It doesn’t “fix” being trans for me. I still get “jealous” of cis women, or wish I had bigger boobies. Side note – I’m strongly considering getting BA which may fix that, but that’s another post. SRS isn’t a magic bullet. What it has done though, is removed the persistent stress, fear, worry, and concerns about my parts. I can go to the pool/beach without concern or worrying about my tuck. I can play soccer without concern. I can get into kink/BDSM stuff without concern. I can have sex finally without issues. I can enjoy life. That’s what I plan to do, and have been having fun doing it.

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