Lesbian sex, more kink, and an interesting weekend (SRS +11.5 months)

As with the past few posts… there might be some NSFW or otherwise uncomfortable content in here. Proceed if you’re okay with that. This is the only warning on this post.

A good friend of mine happened to have SRS last week with a different surgeon here in the US. I’ve attempted to get her to do some guest posts here of her experiences to get an idea from another surgeon and another persons perspective on it, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to. I’ll be doing a more in depth post later as I went out to visit her (luckily could schedule a work trip nearby that I had to do anyways) and have been helping her post-SRS. I’ll say this, it’s a really weird feeling to be on the other side of it and know what they are going through and there is nothing you can do about it. I’ll keep this brief as it’s not the point of this post, however it’s something that might provide some insights into another perspective and will be coming in the near future. On to the main point of this post though.

Recently I went to a kink event that was a weekend long hotel takeover. I went with the main group of kinky friends I have. I got my own room with a girl I spent a week in Germany and Amsterdam with (looks like I forgot to type that up, but was around the time of the job interviewing… I also got together with a girl I met in Chonburi as well… it was an… interesting trip) and a girl I met through kink stuff. We got a room right next to some of the friends group I know with a connecting door. I’m going to refer to the the girl from Amsterdam as Red (get it… Amsterdam, red light district, we were there together… I’m so original) moving forward though.

Red and I have started doing rope shibari practice together and going to kink events together, along with non-kink events. I’ve known her for almost a year now (about a month after the quad fell apart last fall). We had one bed in Europe for a week and only had sex one night in Amsterdam, which was really awkward for me and resulted in me having a total emotional breakdown. That was fun. Point here is that her and I have maintained a friendship across varying experiences, and so we were going to this event as friends. On the way down to this hotel takeover we had a few hours of driving to talk. We ended up talking about a wide variety of things about our views on partners, relationships, sex with men vs women (and how rough guys are fingering many times), and many other topics. After getting to the hotel we got into our room and got ready for the first night of the event. She wasn’t entirely sure what to expect having never gone to something like this, but quickly found herself beating a guy with another girl. We kinda did our own thing in many ways, but then went back to the room around 2 AM.

So here’s where the connecting door and adjoining room thing comes back into play, as they were doing a variety of scenes in there when we were all trying to go to sleep. Red and I were in the same bed and cuddling as we’ve done many times before. Nobody in our room was able to sleep though due to the neighboring room, although we had lights out and eyes closed kind of thing. At one point though Red starts making out with me out of the blue. I’m confused, but went with it since we’d had sex before without it affecting our friendship. She ends up going down on me. This is something that I’m pretty uncomfortable with for some reason. It’s almost like I’m shy or ashamed of things, especially with a cis chick as no matter how amazing the results are… It’s still not a natal vagina. It’s a mental thing I’ve yet to figure out. I also haven’t orgasmed from a partner/sex. I came close with my ex once, but since then haven’t even been close. We switched and I went down on her, she got off a few times, then we just basically cuddled after. The room next to us had quieted down and we went to sleep.

The next day were a lot of classes and workshops (yes, kinky people go to classes to learn how to properly tie, beat, choke, cut, degrade, or do whatever it is you’re into in a safe way). After nap and dinner with Red and the other girl we roomed with, we all got ready for the second night play party. Red was more affectionate and wanting to touch/hold hands/etc which had never really happened before like that. I chalked it up to the endorphin high you get at kink events, which was what I attributed sex to the night before to as well. We all did our own thing again, watching some really cool stuff (suspended hogties are crazy intense to watch), I did an intimate scene with a trans girl who flogged me, etc etc. We got to the room and all passed the hell out as we were dead tired. The next morning we all got up, got our stuff together, and headed out. Something felt different with Red and I though.

When we got back to my place we were talking about taking a nap so I invited her in. We did no napping of any kind to say the least. We started in a domme/sub kind of playing situation (she’s the domme one) before getting into the first time I had lesbian sex with a strap on. Yeah… so… that is pretty fucking amazing. I’ve had sex with ex’s using a strap on pre-SRS, but anal and vaginal sex are way different. Vaginal sex is so much more intimate. Perhaps it’s because there is an emotional connection with the person I was having sex with (much like I had with my out of town friend I hung out with a few weeks ago). Perhaps it’s because she’s very attractive. Whatever the reason is, while I didn’t get off it was highly enjoyable. It also was one of those idyllic days where it’s the perfect temp, windows open, post sex tranquility, birds, and cuddling with a person you care for. I could’ve lived in that moment forever.

Red and I both realized that our relationship had changed through this weekend. We moved things past friendship. Unfortunately into what was clouded by a lot of the things that happen post-kink events. It’s common to get super clingy and needy after these events. We both were having that kind of stuff going on and it made detangling our emotions around one another and where Red and I now were in our relationship was going to have to wait so we both could work through things. I was extremely confused by the whole thing emotionally speaking. When her and I first met on like the third date we had the “what are we” conversation and agreed to be just friends. I’d locked it into that realm since that point. Now I’m being told I can let those emotions out?

We texted throughout the next few days, but then got together for dinner to talk about “what now” and where we were with things. It’s funny, I feel like this is a relationship I’ve had forever, but also that has the “new relationships energy” going strong. We had a great evening together, and by the end of it I could definitively say I was no longer single and now have a gf. That’s weird to type. It’s been so long since I’ve had that and I wasn’t looking for it (which is always the case it seems). The next few months already have some stuff going on that is going to likely strain things a bit, none the least of which is we’ll probably not see one another more than once or twice until September due to schedules and various things in our respective lives. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe the entire way things have developed with Red is a good thing. I’ve never gone from friends to romantic partners before. I’m going to have to curtail a lot of the excitement/enjoyment stuff for the limited amount of time I’ll be able to spend with her for the first few months of things together.

One thing I can say is that I’m confident this isn’t going to be a brief relationship. Like if we’re together in a year from now, I won’t be surprised in the least. I might be looking through rose colored glasses but I’m also kinda optimistic about it. Then there is the guy who I spent the weekend with in another state a few weeks back (although unfortunately him and I haven’t been able to talk much since a conversation about a week later where we both said we had feelings for one another and wanted to explore those… stupid life shit getting in the way lol). Oh, and I’ve got a guy I’ve been talking to extensively that I’m exploring things with as well who is local. I don’t know what has happened, why it’s happened, or why these people want to be in romantic relationships with me. I’m really glad that things are where they are. It’s been a little bit since I’ve been this optimistic about life, especially around my romantic future. Pretty cool to think back to a year ago and see where I am today.

This is how you support your employees

A friend who I met at the company I worked at through college posted something today that was amazing to read. She was in a “leadership sensitivity meeting” (which as an aside can’t they figure out a better way to word that?) that was about employees who are transitioning or exploring their gender. This is a large corporation (anybody in the US would know of them) and they have always been great about supporting minority groups. But to actually have a proactive session talking to management of an entire campus about trans issues, experiences, and how to support trans employees is amazing. It was done by a trans person at the company who explained their experiences and how best to support trans people.

When I worked there I had inklings and thoughts that I’d love to transition, well more accurately be “forced” by somebody to make me transition since I could then blame them if it went poorly, I also didn’t have any positive affirmation that they would support that. And when you’re a young trans person who is still hiding and afraid to even open that proverbial closet door even just a crack out of fear, you need to have support. I saw a post on Reddit today about how schools with gay/straight groups foster a more inclusive and supportive environment. And reading comments people asked, “why are straight people included?” Which is a question I couldn’t figure out the answer to. Thankfully, others posted the answer which is two fold. First, it allows people to go without “outing” themselves. I can go and just say I’m supporting a friend or want to be an ally, and develop a safe and supportive environment to come out to first. And when you’re an adult you lose a lot of that. Especially as a trans adult.

When I started actually accepting I was trans I had to find all kinds of support resources myself. I thankfully had recently found Reddit which has an amazing community in /r/asktransgender that helped me initially. But I still hid that from friends, family, and perhaps most importantly from coworkers because I didn’t know how any of them would react. When you’re about to tell people you’re gay or lesbian some people will reject you and shun you. But, especially over the past decade, that has thankfully become increasingly rare. However that’s not true when you tell people you’re trans. Especially on the trans female side, and even more so if you’re a trans woman of color. We need to know we have support. And while I don’t expect everybody to go around waiving flags and marching in parades, it would be nice for companies who have inclusive policies (like this one my friend works at) to let their employee base know that they have inclusive policies.

For me if I had known that this company support trans employees when I worked there, it’s entirely possible that would’ve helped me to transition years sooner than I did. And I can’t predict how that would have changed my life, but I can say that it would’ve meant starting transitioning in my early 20’s, which means physically I would’ve seen more changes than I have. But perhaps more importantly it would’ve given me 5 or more years of being who I am and not hiding behind a persona of a person I thought society would accept.

But, that’s the past. And this is the present. So if you happen across this post and are in a position to try to help LGBTQ+ individuals within your company, or are part of a company who is like the one I’m talking about in this post, I’d implore you/your company to not just silently support people. But instead to proactively support people through putting out information as it relates to LGBTQ+ topics and your company. Ideally a handbook/guidebook kind of thing that explains some of the basics of LGBTQ+ terms, issues, and ways to support those individuals. As well as what the company policies are and potential avenues for employees to go down (i.e. talk to HR or boss first, whomever you’re more comfortable with kind of thing). And send this out as a “this is why our company is awesome” kind of internal marketing thing. Doing this is a win for all. It first showcases how your company supports their employees and makes them feel good about working for that company, but it also provides information to those who were like me and hiding out of fear.

One thing I will say though even when I worked there, and I don’t recall seeing any policies in their guidelines/HR policies, I have no doubt I would’ve been supported at that time by the company. And the fact that regardless of HR policies or guidelines I have no doubt I would’ve been supported if I had transitioned there is amazing. And that is how you support your employees.